Apparently there is a long and storied history of people believing a bunch of bologna about how the female body works, so I’m offering a public service to those who may need a refresher course in middle school biology.  Here you go…

How a Girl Gets Pregnant: (The true facts. Some may find them icky)

To get pregnant, you need healthy cervical mucus, which is copious a few days before and during ovulation, and does not dry up when sudden stress occurs.  That would include the stress of an unwanted, brutal invasion like a rape, whether legitimate or not.  The presence of fertile cervical mucus is not dependant on arousal, as the presence of some other vaginal fluids may be.  This cervical mucus, which is often referred to as EWCM, is either present or it isn’t.

Pregnancy is also reliant on ovulation, a process which does not halt when one has been violently assaulted, despite the confluence of hormonal interactions responsible for popping an egg from an ovary.  Some women do not ovulate every month due to health-related mitigating factors, but brutal assault is not one of the factors that inhibits ovulation.

A woman may become pregnant if a man — whether a rapist or a loving partner — ejaculates sperm into her vagina during her fertile time period.  That sperm travels through the cervix, into the uterus, then into the fallopian tubes.  There, the sperm may meet an ovulated egg, and individual sperm will try to fertilize it.  This fertilizing ejaculation can occur up to five days before ovulation occurs, through to the day of ovulation, and – less common – the day after ovulation.  Ovulation is a biological event that occurs whether a woman has had sex, made love, been raped, or is celibate (unless she has other health concerns that impede the process).

Ovulation is biology.

Long-term stress may occasionally delay ovulation. A single, violent incident will not.  If you have sexual intercourse with anyone, for any reason, during your fertile window, you may become pregnant.  Period.

Biology doesn’t respond to hopes or wishes, as many an infertile couple will tell you.  A pregnant woman whose child is the product of rape will confirm biology is also deaf to begging, bargaining, and praying.  Biology doesn’t pay attention to politics, either. Biology is biology.

Professor Petrie has left the building.

@acognews: the jury may be out for researchers, but ACOG recommends that pregnant women avoid alcohol

BTW: For more on what Dr. Broder says is safe — and unsafe — for you and your fetus during pregnancy, from eating sushi to coloring your hair, you can listen to this Pea in the Podcast here.

My SUV After My Daughter & I Survived a Multi-Rollover Wreck

You’ve seen this picture before on this website, when I went into great detail about the rollover wreck my daughter and I survived.  It probably comes as no surprise to you that I was an outspoken advocate for car seat safety before, and became vociferous afterward.  All the research I’d read when my girl was a baby suggested we keep her rear-facing at least until she was two, regardless of whether our state only mandated rear-facing til one (it did and does), so that’s what we did.  Now the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration is “on the bus”, as they say, and last week issued new recommendations for car seat safety.  I asked NHTSA’s David Strickland to tell me about the new recs…

So your kids should stay rear-facing til at least two, and longer, if you can manage it.  Many families manage it for a very long time!

From carseatblog.com

Some parents say they have to turn their kids when their legs grow beyond the seat.  Clearly that is not true.  If your child is within the height and weight restrictions of their seat, they should be fine.  Those restrictions will be in your car seat manual.  They can sit like this cutie, or indian style, but even if you’re afraid this kind of position will lead to broken legs in a wreck, I would suggest broken legs are far preferable to a broken neck.

Some parents say they have to turn their kids even before they’re one because they are simply miserable rear-facing.  This little girl sure looks unhappy, right?

The NHTSA’s Strickland feels your pain, but he says our kids are unhappy when we take them for their vaccinations and they’re often veeeery unhappy when we suggest they eat their brussels sprouts.  But we do these things because they need to be done.  We do these things because it’s our job to keep our kids safe.

There are some things your might try to make your rear facing child *less* miserable.  You could have a special box of just-for-the-car toys and books.  If you rotate different toys and books in and out, there is a *slight* possibility they’ll be less unhappy.  You could get your child a mirror so they aren’t restricted to only seeing what’s in the past.  They could look at you and what’s coming up!

You could also get used to the idea that sometimes they’ll be unhappy.  Guess what?  Even forward facing, sometimes, your child is going to be unhappy in the car.  My daughter likes to overshare that her car seat makes her bum hurt.  Maybe it does, but she’s not getting out of it.  No way, no how.  Especially after that wreck.

Here are some car seat installation tips from the NHTSA.  You can find an expert to check your work at SeatCheck.org.  You can find your state’s laws re: car seats here, but I, as a parent, am much more interested in what the American Academy of Pediatrics had to say, and now what the NHTSA has to say.  The laws will follow, but lawmakers are notorious slow-pokes.

Safe driving! 

Bonnie

Child in an improperly installed car seat (Image: Peter Kieper)

Families with heat-induced cabin fever may take to the roads this weekend.  Before you do, please read this (excerpted here):

…it may surprise you that car seats can actually be responsible for many injuries in children. Young children, especially infants, have weak spines and necks, so even a sharp stop can cause injury if a car seat is installed incorrectly.

In fact, Seatcheck.org states that car accidents are the number one killer of children due to improper installation of car seats or improper use of seat restraints, and the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) estimates that 3 out of 4 parents fail to use child restraints properly.

Then, please, take a moment to read my personal experience with the importance of a properly installed carseat in this article, My Daughter’s Car Seat Saved her Life.

Proper car seat installation is SO important.

Be safe this weekend!

-Bonnie

Then, in a quiet field in rural Texas, motion stopped.

Most of this I know because it has been told to me. I have been told that my car and another collided along the highway. We were traveling the speed limit, but that was fast. I lost control of my SUV.

I lost control.

My baby was in the car.My baby was in the car.

I remember snapshots. Frozen images on which I fixate. I can’t remember what came before. I can’t remember what came after. So I loop what I remember until I realize my heart is racing, I’m drenched in sweat and I’ve lost my breath.

I see a guardrail. I think of my baby. I see an airbag. The fabric has a pattern on it. I think of my baby. I smell something acrid like gunpowder. I think of my baby. The world is spinning, things are flying. I think of my baby.

The car rests. There is a shower of blood.

I think of my baby.

“Baby, are you okay?” (Please God, please let my baby be okay)

“I’m okay, mommy!”

I turn to see the eager face of my saucer-eyed child. It looks…it looks like she might really be okay!

She didn’t have a single scratch on her. Not one. Her perfect pink skin remains unbroken. Unblemished. Unbruised.

The blood was all mine. Thank God. I am recovering from a head and hip wound after being taken by helicopter to the hospital, but I, too, am okay.

This is what remains of my SUV.

How is it even possible that my daughter was unhurt?

She was firmly strapped into her car seat with its five point harness. That car seat was tightly connected to the “latches” embedded in the rear seat of the car. It was positioned in the center.*

I am not one to advertise for a particular brand of car seat (unless they’re paying me obscene amounts of money lol. Not the case here). The National Traffic Highway Safety Administration says “all car seats rated by NHTSA meet Federal Safety Standards & strict crash performance standards.” You can evaluate the safety of the car seat you’ve chosen for your child here. I don’t think you have to go deeply into debt to get a safe car seat for your baby.

That said, my child was protected by her Britax Marathon. Her head does not yet reach the top of this particular child safety seat, and the sides seem to surround her. I think that may have shielded her from the variety of things that were flying around as we were rolling.

But I believe the most important contributing factor to my daughter’s survival of this devastating crash was the proper installation of the seat, and the fact that she was properly strapped in. In fact, a police officer has told me as much. But this is not as simple as it seems.

The good folks at SeatCheck.org tell us 7 out of 10 kids in child safety seats are not buckled in properly. The NHTSA tells us motor vehicle crashes are the leading cause of death for children between 2 and 14 years old. I think that is reason enough to check your car seat. Make sure it’s properly installed. Make sure you know how to buckle your baby in correctly.

You don’t have to figure this out on your own.

The NHTSA knows who the experts in child safety seat installation and use are where you live, and they have a searchable database. It wouldn’t hurt to stop by and let the experts help you out.

Also, the NHTSA recommends you keep your infant rear facing in their car seat for as long as possible, but certainly at least until they are two. There is much more information, including an interview with NHTSA Adminitrator David Strickland here.

Please, take another look at the picture at the top of this blog post. The newspaper photo.

That’s my car.

That’s my baby.

Alive. Amen.

-Bonnie

*Several smart parents have informed me that many cars do not have “latches” for center positioning, so please check your owner’s manual before latching your car seat in the center.

The differences were significant.  Only 15% of the kids who watched SpongeBob passed the mental function tests.  35% of those who watched Caillou passed them.  70% of the mini-Michelangelos passed.

Bottom line…tv ain’t great for kids’ mental functioning, and fast paced, non-sensical shows like SpongeBob are the worst.  SpongeBob is like pop-rocks for a preschooler’s brain.  Fizzy and perhaps fun, but ultimately junk.  SpongeBob is an animated sponge that sucks up a child’s ability to focus, at least in the short-term.  Researchers didn’t test to see if the impact was prolonged.

This reminds me of another blog post I wrote awhile back, Toys And Television For Your Toddler: How Much Is Too Much?.   Check it out.

I’m not saying you should ban your preschooler from all television.  Of course not.  Without the occasional tv break, many parents — including me — would lose their ability to pass mental function tests.  But maybe don’t choose SpongeBob, or choose it in moderation.  He is a sponge, after all.  How much of your child’s brain power do you want him to absorb?

So how do you teach your kids about money and how to manage it so they don’t end up living paycheck to paycheck, in a swirl of anxiety about paying their bills?  I spoke with Weston about that very thing, and you can hear our conversation below:

Liz goes into greater detail about whether you and I are teaching our kids to be poor here.  Guess what else?  Liz is no big fan of allowances!  Here are her thoughts on that.

Thanks, Liz, as always, for your brilliant financial insight, as I have none. 

-Bonnie

Liz Weston is the most-read personal finance columnist on the Internet, according to Nielsen//NetRatings.  The New York Times called her latest book, “The 10 Commandments of Money: Survive and Thrive in the New Economy,” a “wonderful basic personal finance book…Throughout, the book’s tone is supportive of people struggling to understand these topics and trying to make ends meet.”

You can listen in on our conversation here:

Thank you, Dr. Goebel.

Speaking of vaccines…

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has info on the vaccinations you can expect your pediatrician to offer your child, and when they will offer them, here.  There are two lists that give you the complete recommended vaccination schedule, from birth to the age of 18.

Good luck with your back-to-school preps!

-Bonnie

My daughter enjoying the beach.

Much of the nation is in the relentless grip of an oppressive heat wave, with thermometers hovering at — or well above — 100 degrees.  But it’s the weekend!  But our kids are sick of staying inside!  There are only so many movies you can watch and malls at which you can loiter.

What’s a parent to do?

I spoke with Dr. Kimberly Barksdale of Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital Allen about that today, and she has some great ideas about letting your children play outside while playing it safe.  You can listen to our conversation here:

…So get out early or late and keep your kids sunscreened and hydrated.  Protect their feet.  Stay off metal playground equipment and hot sand and pavement (flip-flops help).  Check your children often for signs of heat exhaustion or heat stroke, and never…never, ever…leave your kids or pets alone in a car.

Thank you, Dr. Barksdale.

Have a great weekend!

-Bonnie Petrie

BTW…if you do plan to have your kids near water this weekend, please read my article on Drowning: A Silent Killer.

Even the best of parents or caregivers can overlook a sleeping baby in a car; and the end result can be injury or even death.

Yet everytime we hear of one of these harrowing deaths — and there are about 38 of them every year – we also hear a chorus of disbelieving parents shouting malice. How could you forget your baby in the car? 

It could happen to anyone.  Really, it could.  It could happen to you.  Janette Fennell is the president and founder of KidsAndCars.org, and she joined us on NewsRadio 1080 KRLD to talk about how it happens, and how you can protect your children:

Such simple steps to save your baby.  This is so important, I’m going to bullet point them.

• Put something like your phone, purse, briefcase, or really anything you need, on the floorboard in front of your baby’s carseat.
• Get in the habit of putting a stuffed animal in your child’s carseat when they are not in it.  Put it in the front seat when they are.  If the stuffed animal is in the front seat, the baby is in the car.  Remember.
• Make arrangements with your child’s caregiver to call you and everyone you’ve ever met if you haven’t dropped your off child by an agreed upon time.

These simple steps could save your child’s life, even if you’re sure it could never happen to you.

-Bonnie